


Spinnertime Sadness

by Jeenius_the_Dork



Category: Linked Universe - Fandom, The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, Item Madness, Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Time is done with your bullshit, Twi and Warriors as bros, but also an enabler of said bullshit, shit post, the sequel to Butter Shoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:54:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22637953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeenius_the_Dork/pseuds/Jeenius_the_Dork
Summary: If the boys of Linked Universe thought the Butter Shoes were the worst of it, little did they know the true pain on Spinnertime Sadness
Comments: 8
Kudos: 86





	Spinnertime Sadness

Time stared longingly at his dear butter shoes. There was a new unspoken rule that he couldn’t wear the shoes unless absolutely necessary, and knowing how the adventure was going it was likely his precious boots would never be necessary. 

A single tear rolled down his face. Maybe one day, in another universe they would understand his love for the boots.

Except they did. Little did anyone know of the absolute disaster incoming towards them, the terrors waiting for them in Twilight’s own home. They had yet to experience the true despair that would be released upon them when they experienced  _ Spinner sadness. _

It all began in the desert of Twilight’s Hyrule. There was a feral glint in Twilight’s eyes as they stepped out of the portal into the desert. Whatever he was feral over was unclear thanks to the night sky, whatever it was clearly would lead to disaster. 

The next morning arrived too soon and with loud clanking. For a moment they wondered if Time had broken the rules and wore his boots. They were wrong. They were so wrong. What first graced their eyes was Twilight spinning in circles around them on a circuit of rails shouting “Rise and grind gamers, let’s get this bread!!”    
  
And it was at that moment Time knew, things were going to go terribly. It was shocking to admit, but it was possible this was going to be even worse than the butter shoes. That was saying something.

“Hyrule…Hyrule where are you going?” Wind called. True enough the wandering hero was leaving camp. Hyrule had finally seen it all. It was time to go home.

Alas, his hasty escape was halted when the sound of metal desperately trying to move across sand slowly ground its way over to Hyrule, blocking the escape route. A blue scarf fluttered in the non existent wind, no one knew where it came from. Standing over Hyrule, grinning madly down at the man who was likely going to stab him as a warning, was Warriors.

“You shall not pass!” Warriors called, slamming the end of his magic rod on the spinner like he was a wizard from some other beloved fantasy franchise.

Hyrule silently stared down Warriors, his hand slowly reached for the sword on his back but something stopped him. No, not today. They still needed him for something. Besides, it was less suspicious if someone else was the one who killed Warriors, candidates for that included Time, Legend and Wild. Good. That would take out more than one in a single move.  _ Perfect. _

Kidding, they’re all uwu babies and he would  _ never _ have feelings of distrust or plans to kill his fwiends.

“Is there anything I can do to bribe you into letting me leave?” Hyrule deadpanned.

Warriors raised a hand to his chin, with the most exaggerated thinking face he could muster without laughing. “You could always accept the spinners.”

Hyrule almost reached for his sword again. He wouldn’t hesitate to stab a bitch, and Warriors was going to be that bitch. However, for the sake of the team he would comply, even if moments ago he was perfectly willing to completely abandon them due to the absolute bullshitery he had been experiencing for the past while. First the butter shoes, now this. 

Why did none of them have brain cells except Four?

“This is why your game isn’t canon.” was the last thing Hyrule said before drifting off back into the realm of being a silent protagonist. Warriors almost shed a tear, once upon a time he would have called Hyrule his hero. The one he looked up to, but now. Now that was nothing more than a memory possibly created from Hyrule’s weed dealings.

That left him with only one thing to do. Warriors forced the spinner forwards, not taking a single moment to question how he was doing it with no momentum, driving Hyrule back into camp where they belonged. Twilight, upon seeing the second spinner had his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree, launched himself over the remaining legally dead inside heroes and reunited with his spinner sibling with a clang that would alert the lizard of their location.

“Brother! You too possess a spinner?” Twilight shouted.

“I do! I believe you know what this means.” Warriors declared.

The lack of reassurance everyone received, and the tears flowing out of Four’s eyes as he slowly lay upon the ground asking himself why he was even bothering to be there was enough of an answer for everyone. Hyrule shook his head shamefully, and lowered Legend’s arm he was aiming his hookshot with.

They shared a silent moment, where for once they were truly on the same level willingly. It wasn’t worth it.

Before Warriors or Twilight could even hope to explain what exactly they were planning on doing the familiar loud ringing sound rang through the air. Four let out a pained wail knowing what was coming next. There wasn’t even a single moment for him to recover from his emotional torment was there? Following the ringing and Four’s anguish came the loud tooting of a horn. Falling out of the sky from an all to familiar portal were a bunch of red bokoblins. Of course, of course they were bokoblins. The Lizard was a villain not a monster.

Actually hold that thought for a second.

The bokoblins fell, plopping onto the sand with a vaguely human sounding  _ oof _ rather than the strange gargling shrieking sound that usually followed. For a moment, a single moment, they felt sorry for the poor creatures. That moment passed very quickly upon realising they were in fact going to have to kill these monsters instead of befriending them so that sympathy quickly turned into Hyrule and Legend’s unchecked bloodlust.

However, as luck would have it, their bloodlust would remain unchecked as usual. Warriors and Twilight exchanged a completely non reassuring nod before Twilight launched Warriors towards the rails. They watched as the captain, now actually having a source of wind for his fluttering scarf sailed through the air, looped around them on the rails before being launched back over them and towards the pile of unsuspecting bokoblins. The poor red bastards never stood a chance.

But wait, you may be asking, why not just launch Warriors towards the bokoblins in the first place? Or why not launch him into the void where he belongs. There is one simple answer to that.   
  


Spinner Sadness.

Luck quickly ran out for the captain. In an odd state of carelessness he forgot to bring his sword with him while he spun around the outskirts of camp, waiting for whichever victim was tired enough of their shit to leave. Now he was weaponless, and looked very  _ very _ stupid. Even the bokoblins, who had now untangled themselves from the pile to watch in awe of the captains stupidity as he sat on his spinner, slowly rotating in place, unable to do anything useful.

Four, still on the ground unlike the bokoblins, curled into himself sobbing even louder. This is why you always bring a weapon with you no matter where you go. The blacksmith and brain cell within him slowly lost more faith in humanity.

If only Wild still had the Champions powers. Then he could have used Urbosa’s Fury or  _ something _ to dispose of the enemies without having to actually walk over and help Warriors. Isn’t it a shame he  **_doesn’t have those powers anymore?_ **

But wait, there was someone who could actually use thunder magic still. That man, that hero, was currently fighting for power against Legend in attempt to reclaim the hookshot. Isn’t it a shame he’s distracted.

Another jape, Hyrule pried the hookshot free of Legend’s hands while Warriors was sailing through the air. His focus was on the idiot spinning in place while the bokoblins slowly advanced on the metal spinning top.

Would the Captain meet a poor, tragic early end? Likely not they were Links and falling off a three foot ledge was more damaging that being capped by lightning. At worst Warriors hair would just poof out for the rest of the day. Then they would never hear the end of it.

Seconds quickly passed by and Hyrule needed to make his decision, with Warriors still contemplating what to do, Twilight trying to force his own spinner towards the captain with pure will and determination he was left with only one choice.

“You’ve killed me!!” the bokoblins cried as lightning rained down from the sky, taking out the abominations in a single move. They weren’t normal bokoblins. They weren’t even the infected kind. No these ones could speak. That could only mean one thing. 

Shit was going to somehow get even worse from here on out.

“You just had to curse us. Didn’t you?” Legend sighed.

True enough, as he had assumed Warriors began crying when he noticed his ‘beautifully’ combed hair had turned into a puffy mess from the static. Really he should have been grateful Hyrule had the decency to control his magic rather than just letting it fire and hope for the best. But that wasn’t an issue to Warriors at all. His poor hair was sticking out in 100 different directions. It would take another three hours before he was able to look his best once again.

There was but another option for Warriors though. He fell onto his side, curling into a ball sobbing quietly as he rotated in place. It was a ridiculous sight to behold. Many were disappointed in the Captain, though it wasn’t anything new to him.

This would go on for hours.

Hours turned into days.

When will this nightmare end?   
  


“Warriors for the love of the goddess just brush your damn hair.” Four groaned. Looking off to the side Warriors truly hadn’t moved an inch since having his hair so unceremoniously ruined. Twilight spun in place on his own spinner beside Warriors with the dopiest smile on his face. A faint whisper of entertainment escaped the young wolf.

Sky had enough.

A feeling of dread washed over them as Sky rose from the log. He slowly made his way over to the two idiots, with each step progressively getting more menacing. Even the spinners themselves slowed down, nearly coming to a stop as Sky neared. Warriors stopped sobbing, watching as the man he thought was the happiest soft baby of them all, slowly unsheathed the Master Sword.

“She says I cannot raise her upon any of her past masters, but for this...for this it’s worth it.” A chime from within the sword made it clear even Fi had to agree with her master on this one.

As Twilight and Warriors begged Sky to stop the rest of the boys paid no mind to them at all. Returning to their game of Uno, Four’s attention tuned back in the moment Time slapped down a draw 4 card. A murderous glint entered Hyrule’s eyes once more as he slowly turned to stare Time dead in the eyes.

“I will destroy your bloodline.” he whispered.

A cat-like grin spread across Time’s face, encapsulating the very essence of a snooty teenager, “I didn’t know I was Legend.” the ‘old man’ replied. With those words, and an enraged scream from Legend, the entire game of Uno was thrown into the fire. Rest in pieces Uno, you were the worst game to ever exist. 

-

And so they continued on. Though whatever progress they could scrape up would always be interrupted by something else to distract them all. Despite everything, Twilight and Warriors refused to rid themselves of the spinners. Even with Sky’s  _ suggestions _ every moment of their days was spent on the spinners. They slept on the spinners, they ate on the spinners, they fought on the spinners. There was no escape from the spinners.

It really was the butter shoes all over again.

Somehow it only got worse from there. Time, dear sweet precious Time, woke up one night somehow getting the feeling he was being watched one very early morning. One may even call it, the asscrack of dawn. To his surprise it was not a monster trying to kill him, rather a different kind of monster face to face with him, and a kazoo inches away from that big ol’ nose of his.

“Twilight put that away before i decide to divorce Malon so you can never exist.” Time whispered.

A single sad sounding wheeze responded to Time’s baseless threat. To be fair if he made sure Twilight never existed then Twilight never would be there for Time to want to make him decide he wanted his bloodline to end. Confusing ramblings of an outsider aside, Twilight spun away from Time dejected, this was the worst possible outcome.

From across camp there was another who began to wake. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Wind’s first sight upon waking up, much like Time’s was Twilight sadly kazooing on his spinner. After blinking very slowly a few times Wind lay back down in his bedroll, it was far too early for this. Nothing could have ever prepared him for this moment.

Someone had to put an end to Warriors and Twilight’s reign of terror. Their wishes would quickly be granted.

As if by some magical chance, Warriors and Twilight decided one day they wanted to spin each other on their spinners. Why? Only the goddesses know because there was literally no reason for it at all. In truth it really doesn’t matter why and those kinds of questions should not be wasted like this. you will soon be free from this hell.

Twi stood proudly on top of his spinner, looking off into the vast land of Hyrule Field as Warriors slowly began rotating the spinner. The giant metal top began gaining speed, spinning faster and faster all while Warriors continued to push. This would be their final mistake.

As one would imagine, despite Warriors twinky stature he was pretty damn buff. The spinner began to move too quickly for Twilight to maintain his footing. Twilight begged and pleaded with his friend, his brother in arms, to slow down. However Warriors wouldn’t stop, he couldn’t hear Twilight anymore. There was only one thing on Warriors mind now and it was spinning that goddamned spinner.

Everyone watched in awe as Twilight’s screaming body sailed through the sky, past the cliff’s edge and into the distance of Hyrule Field. Some say he’s still soaring to this day.

**Author's Note:**

> I dissociated while writing 90% of this to 10 hours of Caramelldansen i don't remember most of what i typed.


End file.
